The concept of “Toys Coming To Life” doesn’t get nearly enough attention in Hollywood as it should. I mean, sure, you have family-friendly fare like Toy Story and its plethora of sequels as well as The Indian in the Cupboard, while over in the horror genre are all of the Chucky movies and the Demonic Toys franchise. But there’s one film that had the courage to treat an event like living toys not as a saccharine-sweet tear-jerker or a murderous nightmare, and that film was the 1998 CGI-fest Small Soldiers.
Small Soldiers was a medium-budget film helmed by a competent director, Joe Dante. Dante, best known for The ‘Burbs and Gremlins, is by no means a household name, but his track record in the film industry is solid. Here, he crafts a film that takes many influences from other areas in Hollywood as well as his own filmography, a point which I’ll get into a little later.
Anyway, the movie opens with two toy industrialists, played by Jay Mohr and David Cross, prepping themselves to meet the new owner of their business after a recent buyout. They hope to dazzle Denis Leary (the character’s name is Gil Mars, but I’m only going to refer to him as Denis Leary) with their pitch, but Leary quickly grows bored with it. He launches into a tirade about truth in advertising, delivering a monologue in true Denis Leary fashion. (In fact, it’s likely that Leary was only cast to deliver a monologue in this fashion, as during the 90s, complaining at length about things that irritated a lot of people was kind of his bread and butter.) Leary authorizes the toymakers to use whatever technology the parent company has available to make the toys as interactive as possible, and Jay Mohr runs with the idea. He orders an experimental chip to be integrated into the toys, the X1000 processor chip, which, as it turns out, is proprietary hardware sold to the military.
When Cross asks his partner if he’s sure about their plan, Mohr responds with, “What are you worried about? They’re only toys!” And thus, our ominous foreshadowing is set up.
At this point we meet Alan Abernathy (Gregory Smith), a troubled teen who works in his father’s toy store, in which he only sells wholesome toys and nothing violent. As a result of this business model, the toy store flounders, and while his father is away on business, Alan makes a deal with a local toy distributor (and by that I mean a truck driver, played by Dick Smith) for him to misplace a couple of boxes of the latest hot new toy, the Commando Elite and their nemeses, the Gorgonites. Dick obliges, and Alan puts them up for sale.
In walks Christy Fimple (Kirsten Dunst), Alan’s neighbor and crush, whose brother takes a quick shine to the army men and convinces his sister to buy him one for his birthday. By this time, the toys are starting to show some signs of sentience when Chip Hazard, the leader of the commandoes (voiced by Tommy Lee Jones), disappears from the shelf he’s on while Archer, the Gorgonite emissary voiced by Frank Langella, stows himself in Alan’s backpack.
After Alan closes the shop, Chip instructs the other commandoes to break out of their packaging and begin the hunt for the “Gorgonite scum.” He then delivers a rousing speech in front of an American flag puzzle that is an homage to Patton, the classic 1970 war film starring George C. Scott. Paying homage to classic war films becomes a running theme throughout Small Soldiers, and actually lends to some of its charm.
I’m not going to recap the entire movie but in essence, Small Soldiers is Gremlins by way of Toy Story. Most of the major plot elements are similar to what happen in Gremlins, which is what makes Small Soldiers a pretty decent movie. Because who better to do a Gremlins knock off than the guy who directed Gremlins in the first place? Joe Dante really knows what kind of movie he’s making here, because he’s already made it. But what’s weird is that given the amount of love Dante gets as a director. Small Soldiers is hardly ever listed as a perennial favorite by his fans. And trust me, because I asked.
Question for #FilmTwitter: are you a fan of Joe Dante’s films?
If yes, please reply with your favorite of his movies.
— Michael Wirth (@CrankyRaconteur) May 15, 2021
And when I say that Small Soldiers is Gremlins by way of Toy Story, it’s almost literal. So much of those two films line up that it’s like they just rewrote the screenplay for Gremlins to replace the monsters with toys. The main character makes friends with a small, odd looking creature while a pack of green enemies try to destroy him and his friends. There’s even a moment in Small Soldiers when Alan and Christy think they’ve defeated the Commandoes, only for a wounded Chip Hazard to come upon a delivery truck full of more toys, thus bolstering his bloodthirsty army. This moment is similar to the turning point in Gremlins when Stripe jumps into the YMCA pool and creates hundreds of more Gremlins. The main difference between the films is, unlike Gremlins, Small Soldiers keeps its content in the family-friendly realm and doesn’t veer into creature horror.
As far as the film itself, it holds up well. The cast does a great job with the material, especially Gregory Smith. As the main character, Smith has a ton of screen time as well as the most character growth. He’s a troubled kid who wants to do the right thing but feels like he’ll never be able to in his parents’ opinions. It’s kind of a shame that Smith never rocketed to stardom as he certainly had some serious acting chops. He did, however, manage to make himself MCU adjacent by going on to star in Everwood alongside both Emily VanCamp (Sharon Carter/Agent 13) and Chris Pratt (Peter Quil/Starlord), so I guess he’s got that going for him.
I also have to recognize that while the cast is great, one of the biggest things that stand out is that the then-16-year-old Kirsten Dunst was given top billing. By that time, Kirsten had been in seven big-screen features, including playing opposite some of Hollywood’s elite in Interview with the Vampire and Jumanji, so she certainly had the skill to hold a film. But to see her get top-billing at 16 years old is very impressive, especially since her character is arguably not the protagonist.
The cast is rounded out with actors best known for comedy. In addition to Cross, Mohr, and Leary as mentioned earlier, Small Soldiers also features Kevin Dunn and Phil Hartman in sizable roles as Alan’s and Christy’s fathers, respectively. And while both men do fine with the material they’re given, they aren’t given much screen time to shine, which is a shame since Small Soldiers marked Hartman’s last big-screen appearance before his murder in 1998.
For a 90s film, the special effects are pretty impressive. Granted, this was five years after Jurassic Park made us believe dinosaurs were real, so it’s not like Small Soldiers pioneered the industry. And though they aren’t perfect, the computer effects are far better than some movies from that era. (I cannot seem to come up with any examples at the moment, but I’m sure that you’d agree with me.)
The animatronics, on the other hand, are very impressive, but that’s to be expected when a company like the Stan Winston Studio is tasked to handle them. The toys move with such fluidity that it’s easy to believe they’re alive. In fact, there are even a few behind-the-scenes featurettes on YouTube posted by the Stan Winston School that detail the work that went into their creation. (There’s also a BTS blog post on their site detailing the characters’ designs which I found very interesting, if you’re into that sort of thing.)
As I mentioned earlier, the film really gets down on the references to other war movies. In addition to the Patton scene, the movie makes liberal use of the Wagner piece “Ride of the Valkyries” which is commonly associated with the film Apocalypse Now, and the iconic scene of helicopters flying into battle as the aria blares over the carnage of gunfire, explosions, and retreating Vietnamese soldiers. There’s also a second reference to Apocalypse Now when Chip Hazard says, “I love the smell of polyurethane in the morning,” a send-up of the classic “I love the smell of napalm in the morning” line spoken by Robert Duvall in the 1979 film.
There are a lot of other blink-and-you-miss-it references sprinkled throughout the movie, such as a quick Rambo shout-out when one of the soldiers gets hit and yells, “First blood!” There’s even a scene that takes its cue from Frankenstein in which the Commandoes use the processor chip from their fallen comrade to animate Christy’s collection of Gwendy dolls. The fashion dolls, voiced collectively by Sarah Michelle Gellar and Christina Ricci, act as a first wave for the Commandoes’ assault, even going so far as to nickname themselves “Cannon Fodder Gwendy.”
Hell, even the casting is a top-tier reference. With the exceptions of Tommy Lee Jones and Bruce Dern (who also starred in Dante’s The ‘Burbs), the Commando Elite are all voiced by the stars of the 1967 film The Dirty Dozen, a movie set in World War 2 about a rebellious army general who has to lead a platoon of twelve convicted murderers. Though not all twelve are in Small Soldiers, some of the bigger stars like Ernest Borgnine and Jim Brown are included, as well as George Kennedy and Clint Walker. Even the Gorgonites are represented by another famous movie, though not one for its themes of war. Christopher Guest, Michael McKean, and Harry Shearer share the roles of the gentle monsters, the three men who made the classic comedy This Is Spinal Tap.
There are also a lot of real-world war references throughout the film. In one scene, Chip says, “We have met the enemy, and he is you,” which is an intentional misquote of a phrase from the 1960s comic strip Pogo, where the phrase was, “We have met the enemy, and he is us.” However, the true quote originated in 1813 from American Naval Officer Oliver Perry, in which he said, “We have met the enemy, and they are ours,” so this line has a lot of layers to it. At the end of the movie, Dick Miller references General William T. Sherman when he says, “Toys is hell,” a send-up of Sherman’s classic, “War is hell,” quote.
When I set out to write this review, I hadn’t seen Small Soldiers since it first hit the theaters, and all I really remembered about it was that I wasn’t a fan. And while Small Soldiers is by no means a groundbreaking film, it is a lot of fun with some good visuals. The cast is great, especially Tommy Lee Jones as the grizzled soldier, a role that he seems to epitomize, and there are some generally funny bits through the film. While I definitely wouldn’t qualify it as a classic, I would say that Small Soldiers doesn’t get the attention that it deserves.
